I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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