It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
