just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Drake has all the answers
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
