She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
