He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
