I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
