Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
