Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
