the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
