great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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