Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I smell stomach acid.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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