oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
