Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize