Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
