I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
