Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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