based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
