Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize