my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
