what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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