hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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