Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
