It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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