I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
May the power of my ass compel you!!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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