im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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