Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
