WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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