Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
