You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
