Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
