matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
