I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
