While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
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Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize