The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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