the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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