my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
meet me or not, i'm out of control
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
