I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
