Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
