He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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