as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
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We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
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I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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