My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
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pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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