At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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