So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
