My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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