i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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