Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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