can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
