She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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