Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
