When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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