**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
