She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
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Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
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Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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