My liver just broke up with me...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize