I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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