I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
