how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
