my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
