the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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