at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
My liver just broke up with me...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
