Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
